摘要：Lewis, tonight we have, in just a few moments, the one, the only, the national treasure, Drew Barrymore will be out here in just a

Give it up for the band, y'all.

大家为乐队鼓掌吧。

Just give it up for that band.

为那支乐队喝彩吧。

Lewis, tonight we have, in just a few moments, the one, the only, the national treasure, Drew Barrymore will be out here in just a moment.

路易斯，今晚我们即将迎来一位独一无二的国宝级人物 —— 稍后片刻，德鲁·巴里摩尔将亲临现场。

And this is timely.

这非常及时。

They just got their funding cut.

他们的资金刚刚被削减了。

President and CEO of NPR, Catherine Marr, will be out here in a minute.

美国国家公共电台的总裁兼首席执行官凯瑟琳·马尔，马上就会来到这里。

Talk about what's going on in that world right there.

来聊聊那边那个世界正在发生的事情吧。

That's it.

就是这样。

That's it, baby.

就这样了，宝贝。

Folks, I don't want to shatter anyone's illusions, but I have writers on this show.

朋友们，我不想打破任何人的幻想，但我在这个节目里有编剧。

And one of them is a brilliant woman named Kate Sidley.

其中一位是才华横溢的女性，名叫凯特·西德利。

There's Kate right there.

凯特就在那儿。

And she just.

她就这么做了。

Kate is a powerhouse comedy writer.

凯特是一位实力强大的喜剧作家。

She just released her first book, How to Be a Saint, okay?

她刚发布了她的首部着作《如何成为圣人》，好吗？

Pretty picture of a man holding his own head right there.

男子手捧自己头颅的诡异画面，就在眼前。

It's got a foreword by a young promising man named Stephen Colbert in there.

这本书的前言是由一位名叫斯蒂芬·科尔伯特的年轻有为者撰写的。

It's a, rest of the book's even better than the foreword.

这本书的其余部分比序言还要精彩。

It's a funny book.

这是一本有趣的书。

It's a fantastic book.

这是一本极好的书。

And every copy you buy gets you that much closer to heaven.

每购买一册，你离天堂就更近一步。

And some of you, need to buy in bulk.

有些朋友，得批发购买。

Go get it.

去争取吧。

All right.

好吧。

Now, folks, if you watch this show, If you watch this show, you know I spend most of my time right over there in the old news construction site, sourcing the finest locally quarried sandstone to form a revolutionary asymmetrical floor plan with multiple outdoor terraces on exposed cantilevers over the falling water of a fresh mountain stream to build for you the Frank Lloyd Wright-designed masterpiece that is my nightly monologue.

各位观众，如果您收看本节目，您就会知道， 我大部分时间都待在新闻素材的“采石场” ，精选当地开采的优质砂岩，设计出革命性的不对称楼层平面图， 在悬臂式露台上打造多个户外空间， 俯瞰潺潺山涧， 为您构筑弗兰克·劳埃德·赖特设计的杰作——那便是我每晚的独白。

But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, after being caught match-fixing a raccoon fight, I strip down the canvas sign from a derelict Spear at Halloween and throw it over the rusted-out hulk of an abandoned 1983 Ford Sierra and hide out in the tramp cabana of news that is my segment.

但有时候，朋友们，仅仅是在某些时候，在被抓到操纵浣熊打架比赛后，我会在万圣节时剥下废弃标枪上的帆布标志， 把它扔在一辆生锈的1983年福特Sierra废弃车身上， 然后躲进我那新闻流浪者小屋般的节目环节中。

Right there.

就在那

That is shelter from the storm right there.

那就是风暴中的避风港。

Meanwhile, experts are warning that onions have been found to be terrible for the health of cats and can cause severe anemia and lethargy, which could interfere with them sleeping 23 hours a day.

与此同时，专家警告称， 洋葱对猫的健康极为不利， 可能导致严重贫血和嗜睡，进而影响它们每天23小时的睡眠。

Meanwhile, there's a video going viral of two New York City rats fighting on a subway platform.

与此同时，一段两只纽约市老鼠在地铁站台上打架的视频正在网上疯传。

Let's that, look, let him go.

让我们看看，让他走吧。

Zoom, bang, yeah.

嗖，砰，耶。

Guys, guys, guys, come on.

伙计们，伙计们，伙计们，拜托了。

This is New York City subway.

这是纽约市地铁。

There's plenty of poop and garbage for everyone.

大家都有足够的屎和垃圾。

Meanwhile, in health news, scientists say that prolonged smartphone use on the toilet could be linked to a higher risk of hemorrhoids.

与此同时，健康新闻方面，科学家指出，长时间在厕所使用智能手机可能增加患痔疮的风险。

Yeah, I read about this on the toilet this morning, which, article linked to another story about gut health, and then I wound up watching a TikTok of a hamster dancing on a beach, which reminded me, I hadn't seen Lawrence of Arabia in a while, so I streamed that.

是的， 我今早在厕所读到这个，文章还链接了另一个关于肠道健康的故事，结果我最终看了一个仓鼠在海滩上跳舞的TikTok视频，这让我想起， 我有一阵子没看《阿拉伯的劳伦斯》了，于是我在线点播了那部电影。

You haven't seen him crossing the Nefut until you've watched it on an iPhone.

没在iPhone上目睹他穿越尼菲河，就不算真正见过这一幕。

Meanwhile, toothpaste may soon be upgraded to contain sheep's wool and human hair.

与此同时，牙膏可能很快就会升级，加入羊毛和人类毛发成分。

Explains those ads that say four to five dentists just threw up in their mouth a little.

解释了那些广告，说四到五个牙医只是稍微有点想吐。

Next up, in surprise music matrimony news, legendary Talking Heads front man, David Byrne says he will get married this week.

接下来， 在令人惊喜的音乐婚姻新闻中，传奇乐队Talking Heads的主唱大卫·伯恩宣布他将在本周结婚。

And I'm told we have a picture of his wedding tux.

据悉，我们还拥有他婚礼礼服的照片。

There you go.

给你。

Congratulations, David.

恭喜你,大卫。

Happy for you.

为你感到高兴。

Just a heads up, it's only a week away.

提醒一下，只剩一周时间了。

When a wedding comes on you that quickly, you may ask yourself, how did I get here?

当婚礼如此迅速地降临到你头上时，你可能会自问：我是怎么走到这一步的？

And you may tell yourself, that is not my beautiful wife.

你可能会对自己说，那不是我美丽的妻子。

But it is.

但事实确实如此。

Meanwhile, out in Lake Tahoe, a bear was recently found behind the counter of an ice cream shop.

与此同时，在太浩湖地区，最近有人在一家冰淇淋店的柜台后面发现了一只熊。

Even worse, he only allowed one sample per customer.

更糟糕的是，他规定每位顾客只能试吃一份。

Meanwhile, a new study has found that the average American second guesses 41% of their daily decisions.

与此同时，一项新研究发现，普通美国人在日常生活中会对41%的决定产生怀疑。

I'll buy that, or would I?

我可能会买，也可能不会。

That joke was worth doing, or was it?

那个笑话值得一听,还是不值得?

Or was it?

是吗？

Meanwhile, scientists have discovered that fish may feel pleasure.

与此同时，科学家们发现鱼类可能也能感受到快乐。

No, damn it!

不，该死！

Fish was the only living thing left that I felt zero guilt about eating.

鱼是唯一让我在吃的时候毫无负罪感的生物。

Pigs are smart, cows are friendly, lambs are adorable, and chickens are mean, which I respect.

猪聪明，牛友善，羊羔可爱，而鸡则刻薄，这一点我很欣赏。

But fish?

但是鱼?

Now there's nothing left to filet-o.

现在什么都没剩下可以切了。

Meanwhile... Video went viral last weekend of this kid at a Major League Baseball game eating popcorn the way it was truly meant to be eaten.

与此同时...上周末，一段视频在网络上疯传， 内容是一个孩子在一场美国职业棒球大联盟比赛中， 以最地道的方式享用爆米花。

Hell yeah, get in there, boy!

太棒了，冲啊，小伙子！

You can still see your ear.

你还是能看见你的耳朵。

Ladies, ladies, listen to me.

女士们，女士们，听我说。

Find someone who loves you like this.

找到一个像这样深爱你的人。

Fantastic.

棒了

Meanwhile, in shoe news, or shoes, there's a new world record because a Connecticut man has collected more than 3,800 pairs of Crocs.

与此同时，在鞋类新闻中，一位康涅狄格州的男士因收藏了超过3,800双Crocs鞋而创下新的世界纪录。

Even more amazing, the man's name is, and this is totally real, Doogie Sandtiger.

更令人称奇的是，这位男士的名字竟然是——这绝对是真的——杜吉·桑泰格。

Wow.

哇。

Named, of course, for the popular TV drama where Neil Patrick Harris played a surprisingly young Sandtiger.

当然，这个名字源自热门电视剧，剧中尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯出人意料地饰演了一个年轻的沙虎鲨角色。

We'll be right back with Drew Barrymore.

我们马上回来，德鲁·巴里摩尔将登场。

来源：英语东