摘要：倾听，真正地倾听并认可我们所听到的孩子们的话语，听起来如此简单。然而，正如任何一位优秀的治疗师都能告诉你的那样，很多很多的人在成长过程中从未感受到生活中有哪位成年人曾花时间倾听他们要说的话。Listening , really listening and va

利用 倾听时间 保持与孩子的感情联络 这是应对文化问题最好的工具之一

【选自《英语文摘》 王谨瑜 摘译】

Use "listening time" to maintain emotional connection

倾听，真正地倾听并认可我们所听到的孩子们的话语，听起来如此简单。然而，正如任何一位优秀的治疗师都能告诉你的那样，很多很多的人在成长过程中从未感受到生活中有哪位成年人曾花时间倾听他们要说的话。Listening , really listening and validating what we hear our children says ，sound so simple. Yet , as any good therapist can tell you, many，many people grow up without feeling that there was an adult in their life who ever took the time to listen to what they had so say

当我们感觉不被倾听、不被理解、不被回应、不被认可——甚至在我们还不会说话的时候——我们就会形成保护自己的方式，以避免被忽视和不重要的痛苦。

When we don't feel listened to, understood， responded to and validated— even before we can talk—we develop ways of protecting ourselves from the pain of feeling ignored and unimportant.

这些自我保护的方式可能会成为我们最不欣赏的许多品质的根源，包括自私、贪婪和暴力。These ways of self—protection can become the roots of many of the qualities we least admire，including selfishness ，greed and violence..

感觉被忽视和不重要也会导致自卑、缺乏自信和无价值感等，这些都可能导致抑郁、成绩不佳、焦虑障碍以及其他许多常见的抱怨问题。

Feeling ignored and unimportant also contributes to feelings of inadequacy, lack of confidence, and worthlessness, to name a few(举几个例子、比如、少数几个名字）, which can lead to depression, under-achieving, anxiety disorders, and a myriad other far too （还有其他无数的）common complaints.常见抱怨

我们都是母亲，深知很难挤出时间耐心倾听孩子的心声。这就是为什么我们觉得是时候设立一个新的“时间段”了：除了传统的“家庭时间”、“就寝时间”、“晚餐时间”和“娱乐时间”之外，增设一个“倾听时间”。

We’ re both mother, and we know that it isn’t easy to squeeze（挤压） in time to patiently listen to our children. That’s why we’ ve decided it’s high time（立即，是时候） to establish a new “time” to add to （增设）the old staples of “ family time,” “bed time”, “dinner time” , and “floor time”: listening time.

倾听时间应该是孩子可以畅所欲言的安全时刻。这与让孩子参与对话或让他们听大人谈话不同。这是真正倾听他们的时候。

Listening time should be a safe time for children to talk. It is not the same as engaging children in conversation, or asking them to listen to adult conversation. It is a time for us to really listen to them.

找到这样的时间是个挑战。在我们其中一人的家里，睡觉时间已经演变成了倾听时间。“我们该聊些什么呢？”六岁的孩子每晚都会这样问，等待着回答：“由你决定——听你的。

Finding this kind of time is a challenge. In one of our houses, bed time has evolved into listening time. “What should we talk about ,” asks the 6-year-old, every night, waiting for the response: “It’s up to you.”

于是在睡觉之前，时间一分一秒地过去，他会提出真正萦绕在他心头的话题。默认的话题是豆豆娃（Beanie Babies），但有时是学校里的问题、与朋友之间的矛盾、一种感受，通常是恐惧。有时，他只是谈论自己对某项成就感到多么自豪，或者新发现的一项兴趣。无论话题是什么，这都是他向父母倾诉想法关切的时候。

There, at the edge of bed time, time ticking, he brings up the subjects that are really on his mind. The default subject（默认的主题） is Beanie Babies, but sometimes it is a problem at school, an issue with a friend . a feeling, often a fear.sometime ,he just talk about how proud he is about something he has accomplished or the discovery of a new interest. Whatever the subject, it is a time for him to run ideas or concerns past a parent.

任何父母都能告诉你，有时你可能正忙于其他事情，比如接电话，却突然被要求倾听。这确实很为难，但有时不妨顺其自然，结束通话，听孩子讲话（让倾听时刻开始）。

As any parent can tell you, there are times when you may be asked to listen exactly when you’re most preoccupied with something else -like a phone call. This is tough, but sometimes, just go

with the flow（随波逐流）, end the call, and let listening time begin.

等孩子“说完”后，再温和地表达自己的想法。一旦孩子（或任何人）感到自己的讲话真的被倾听，你会对他们认真倾听你的想法（回应）的能力大吃一惊。

Wait until your child is “talked out ”before gently adding your own thoughts. Once a child, or anyone, has felt really listened to, you’d be amazed at their ability to really listen to what you have to say in response.

你对孩子说讲的一定要好好思考。每天坚持这样做。留出倾听时间能够创造奇迹。这是为了孩子、父母、家庭乃至整个社会。倾听可能是我们应对时代文化带来的种种问题最好的工具之一。

Be sure you ponder what you have learned about your child. Practiced daily , making time to listen can do wonders, for a child, parent, family, and for our entire society, and can be one of our greatest tools as we fight problems created by our culture.

来源：面对