摘要：因为大师理论是前无古人的，这次研讨宴的规模也是史无前例的。如来佛当顾问，观音菩萨主持、太白金星做秘书长，各路神仙纷至沓来，各朝各代的文豪悉数受邀。琼浆玉液、珍稀佳肴琳琅满目，数不胜数。司马相如眼界打开，文思奔涌，当场口诵一篇《天界极乐宴赋》：
神仙理论研讨宴（双语版小说）
作者：颂明 翻译：深探
人间出了一个亘古未见的大文豪，震动上苍。
天庭准备召开一次“神仙、菩萨、圣贤关于大师文学理论研讨会”，因为太拗口，对外简称“神仙理论研讨宴”。
凡夫俗子或不解：为何"会"变"宴"？此乃天庭规矩——无宴不成会，否则香火钱如何报销？
因为大师理论是前无古人的，这次研讨宴的规模也是史无前例的。如来佛当顾问，观音菩萨主持、太白金星做秘书长，各路神仙纷至沓来，各朝各代的文豪悉数受邀。琼浆玉液、珍稀佳肴琳琅满目，数不胜数。司马相如眼界打开，文思奔涌，当场口诵一篇《天界极乐宴赋》：
夫天阙宏开，紫微耀彩；璇阶千转，金阙九重。
珍馐列兮：昆仑雪麟之脯，北极玄冰之鲛；
南海火凤冠煨以月露，西天金翅羽烩以星膏。
玉液陈兮：三清境献"混沌未分露"，兜率宫斟"乾坤一气醪"；
王母蟠桃酿，饮之可篡阴阳簿；老君九转丹，服罢能颠倒文韬……
司马相如正在兴头上，只听一声雷霆断喝打断了他：“岂有此理，天庭如此盛宴，为何不邀我斗战胜佛？！”
众佛仙圣贤吃了一惊，目光齐刷刷地扫射过来，只见孙悟空拄着金箍棒威风凛凛地站在了大殿门前。
太白金星连忙迎了上来：“斗战胜佛切勿造次。你抬头看看，会标上写得明明白白，这是理论研讨宴。是文化界的盛事，你一味地喜战好斗，不懂文化，哪有资格参会？”
如来佛也移座过来，厉声喝道：“泼猴，还想再让我的五指山压500年吗？”
孙悟空面脸堆笑：“佛祖息怒。我也是来谈经论道的。这些年来我潜心研读，肚里也装了不少墨水呢！”
“不要巧舌如簧地狡辩。”如来佛手一抖，半空出现了一块全息屏，上面写着：
大师理论撮要
甲、 源头论：雪国拜师，西国赋魂
乙、 创作论：把好人写坏，把坏人写好
丙、 批评论：观众感动vs.导演偷笑【注】
丁、 道理论：成功=道理；不成功，道理=放屁
戊、 功能论：歌颂=粉饰，暴露=真话
……
"如来捻指轻笑："泼猴若能解此中真谛，便许你入席。"
孙悟空抓耳挠腮半晌，突然将金箍棒往地上一杵："俺老孙只问一句——这劳什子理论，有半根猴毛的道理吗？"
如来佛哈哈大笑：“泼猴果然冥顽不灵，再回去参悟五百年吧！”说完一掌打来，又把孙悟空压到五指山下去了。
【注】大师说：“当一般观众沉浸在电影里面，并且感动得死去活来的时候，这些导演或电影的制作者们，都在偷偷地冷笑。所以我认为，电影导演这个工作，他们就希望把所有的观众都变成傻瓜，而我们的电影评论家，就是要时刻提醒观众：这是电影，不要太当真了！”
英语版
Immortal Theory Symposium Banquet (Fiction)
Author: Song Ming Translator：DEEPSEEK
A literary genius of unprecedented stature emerged in the mortal realm, shaking the heavens.
The celestial court decided to convene a "Symposium on the Great Master's Literary Theory for Immortals, Bodhisattvas, and Sages." Because the name was too cumbersome, it was officially abbreviated as the "Immortal Theory Symposium Banquet."
Mortals might wonder: Why change "symposium" to "banquet"? Such is the rule of the heavens—no meeting is complete without a feast. Otherwise, how could the incense money be reimbursed?
Since the Great Master's theory was unparalleled in history, the scale of this symposium banquet was also unprecedented. The Buddha served as advisor, Guanyin Bodhisattva presided, and the Great White Planet Venus acted as secretary-general. Deities of all ranks flocked to attend, and literary giants from every dynasty were invited. The banquet overflowed with divine wines and rare delicacies beyond count. Sima Xiangru, his horizons broadened and inspiration surging, spontaneously recited an Ode to the Celestial Feast of Supreme Bliss on the spot:
Behold the heavenly gates flung wide, the Purple Star ablaze;
Jade steps spiral a thousand turns, golden towers rise ninefold.
Exquisite dishes arrayed:
Dried meat of Kunlun's snow-qilin, Arctic ice-jiao's fin;
Phoenix crest from southern seas, stewed in moonlit dew,
Golden-winged feathers from western skies, braised in starlight oil.
Divine wines flow:
From the Three Pure Realms, "Nectar of Primordial Chaos,"
From the Tushita Palace, "Liquor of Cosmic Unity."
The Queen Mother's peach wine—drink it, and rewrite the Book of Life and Death;
Laojun's Ninefold Elixir—swallow it, and master prose and verse anew...
Just as Sima Xiangru reached the height of his fervor, a thunderous roar cut him short:
"Outrageous! How dare the heavens hold such a grand feast without inviting me, the Victorious Fighting Buddha?!"
The assembled immortals, buddhas, and sages jolted in surprise, their gazes sweeping toward the entrance, where Sun Wukong stood imposingly, leaning on his golden staff.
The Great White Planet Venus hurried forward: "Victorious Fighting Buddha, do not act rashly. Look up—the banner clearly states this is a theoretical symposium banquet, a grand event for the literary world. You revel in battle and brawling, with no understanding of culture. How could you possibly qualify to attend?"
The Buddha himself shifted his seat and rebuked sternly: "Impudent ape! Do you wish to spend another five centuries beneath my Five Elements Mountain?"
Sun Wukong grinned obsequiously: "Spare your wrath, O Buddha! I too have come to discuss scriptures and debate truths. These years, I've devoted myself to study—my belly now holds no small measure of ink!"
"Enough glib excuses," the Buddha flicked his wrist, and a holographic screen appeared midair, displaying:
Summary of the Great Master's Theory
A. Source Theory: Study in the Snow Country, Soul-Tempering in the Western Land
B. Creation Theory: Write the good as evil, the evil as good
C. Criticism Theory: Audience moved to tears vs. Directors snickering*
D. Principle Theory: Success = Truth; Failure renders Truth = Nonsense
E. Function Theory: Praise = Whitewash, Exposure = Honesty
...
The Buddha twirled his fingers with a faint smile: "If you, impudent ape, can grasp the essence herein, you may join the feast."
Sun Wukong scratched his head and ears for a long moment before suddenly slamming his staff on the ground:
"This old Sun asks just one thing—does this so-called theory contain even a single strand of monkey-hair worth of sense?"
The Buddha laughed heartily: "The ape remains as stubborn as ever! Go back and meditate another five hundred years!" With that, he struck out his palm, and Sun Wukong was once again pinned beneath the Five Elements Mountain.
[Note] The Great Master said: "When ordinary audiences immerse themselves in a film, moved to the point of ecstatic agony, the directors and filmmakers are secretly sneering. Thus, I believe the goal of film directors is to turn all viewers into fools, while our film critics must constantly remind audiences: This is just a movie—don’t take it too seriously!"
Translation Notes:
Cultural Terms:
"雪国" (Snow Country) and "西国" (Western Land) retain their symbolic ambiguity, as they likely reference specific cultural/literary contexts in the original.
"Qilin," "Jiao," and other mythical creatures are rendered in pinyin with contextual descriptors (e.g., "snow-qilin").
Humor & Satire:
The bureaucratic jab about "香火钱报销" (incense money reimbursement) is translated plainly to preserve its critique of celestial bureaucracy.
Sun Wukong’s "猴毛的道理" (monkey-hair’s worth of sense) keeps the colloquial flair while adapting the idiom for English.
Classical Style:
Sima Xiangru’s fu (rhapsody) follows ornate, parallel prose conventions, mirroring the original’s extravagance with elevated English lexicon (e.g., "starlight oil," "Cosmic Unity").
Theory Terms:
Theoretical categories (甲, 乙, etc.) are labeled with letters (A, B) for readability.
"把好人写坏，把坏人写好" is rendered symmetrically to emphasize the paradoxical wit.
Let me know if you'd like any refinements!
来源：小说讲坛
